Training my Train of Thoughts

I’m not sure why, but idioms are hard for my brain. Hmm. Well, maybe they work okay in my brain, but there is something happening when I try to express it with written words. Sometimes when I write the words they don’t make sense.  

Here is how the dictionary defines “idiom” : A group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words (e.g., rain cats and dogs, see the light ).” I realize my “regular brain” knows the meaning of an idiom without noticing the words they are composed with, but my writing brain (my “abnormal brain?”) notices only the actual words without connecting the dots to the meaning of the idiom. 

I have often commented how different it was when I started reading again after my stroke, one word at a time. How difficult it was but also how cool it was. Writing is sort of like that as well. Writing one word at a time, well everyone does that. But somehow it is different for me.  I’m really thinking about every single word. Although it is a lot of work to figure out the words I need to write or speak, there is also a richness to thinking about what the words actually mean, word by word. 

I am thankful at least there is a cadence of sorts in my “regular brain.” There the ideas flow easily. But I realize there is no cadence to my writing or my speaking. Why can’t I just write about or talk about what I’m thinking about?  I don’t know. It seems I’m searching endlessly to find the right words. 

I found this verse as we were studying the book of Ecclesiastes in our men’s bible study. The teacher didn’t mention it, no one commented about it, but it struck a chord (idiom) in my recovery. 

The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true..

Ecc 12:10  

Wow, he searched to find just the right words. That is what I’m doing, searching for the words I need, and searching for just the right words, words that are true and upright. I guess this is a pretty long intro to what I wanted to say. I hope I’m not boring you. Figuring out what is going on in my brain is fascinating to me anyways.

Here is what I wanted to say. There is an idiom I’ve been thinking about: “My train of thoughts”.

So I’m picturing the train. In my mind, anyways, it’s a steam locomotive, with two pistons attached to a couple big wheels with steam billowing out. Chug chug chug, and off we go. And of course, there is a whistle. Choo choo. I am also picturing the thoughts. Thoughts hooked together to make a train, a train with a steam locomotive traveling on a track.

Thoughts connected together create power, they really do. They are like the steam that powers the engine. And when you connect enough of them, you are soon running faster and faster along a track. A track that leads to ….?  We often think about where we want to go. In our life, in our nation, in our world. We think about the track we are running on, sometimes with sorrow, sometimes with hope.

Because of the election this year, we changed tracks pretty dramatically. It made some people sad, it made some people happy. That happened 4 years ago as well when Biden was elected. It made some people sad, it made some people happy. 8 years ago, when Trump was elected for the first time, well, it made some people sad, it made some people happy.  16 years ago when Obama was elected…….well you get the picture. Back and forth….It is a track that leads to nowhere.  We think about the track we are running on, sometimes with sorrow, sometimes with hope.  Yeah. But seldom do we think about where the steam comes for our train, our thoughts. Our thoughts that can power a train.

As I think about my life I realize how much “steam” I have produced to move that train back and forth on a track to nowhere …? So, I’m trying a different train on a different track.

Back in the day, I started my day listening to talk radio. It set a tone. It affected my thoughts. And when the thoughts connected together the train started to move. I can remember the day when I received a letter informing me, because Obamacare was being implemented, my health insurance was being canceled. What was offered to replace it was so expensive that I couldn’t afford it. That train was moving. I remember thinking about how much money I had spent on my health insurance, hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was okay with that, I hoped I never had to use it. It was a safety net. But when it was taken from me right when I needed it, my blood started to boil.

Thought after thought. That train was really moving on that track. It made me angry. As I am writing about it, man, the thoughts are still there, I realize I am starting to become angry, connecting the thoughts together again, creating steam.

What was I just talking about? Shoot, I just lost my train of thought. Hmmm. How cool is that?

Today I started on my porch with my bible open. It sets a tone. It affects my thoughts. And often those thoughts connect together. Not all the time, but often.  And when they do, they create power to run my train on a different track with a different destination.  In my last post I used a well known verse about the peace God offers. Peace which exceeds anything we can understand (Philippians  4:6-7). The verse after it is well known too, it’s about our thoughts. 

Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.       Philippians 4.8

It’s about training our train of thoughts. Training our thoughts before they become a train that causes anger and havoc in our life. Or, better, it’s about training our thoughts so that they can become a train, a train that leads us to peace.  

Our thoughts are powerful. Power in itself, can be good or bad. But if we can think good thoughts, it can power our train along a track that leads to peace.    

Here are 5 words I’ve searched for and found. They have actually become instrumental in my new life:

“Chug, chug, chug…..Choo choo!!”