The Other Chair

The thought came out of the blue, “You can sit in the other chair if you want.”

You mean that chair I used to use? You know, that chair where I sat when I was in control. That chair where I sat when I asked Jesus to help me, to be my copilot, to help me right this ship. That chair where I heard his voice. I remember as I sat on that chair, from the other chair one word came, the word, “Come’’. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matt 11.28

If you haven’t been following my journey, you are likely wondering what I am talking about. That story can be found at the homepage of my Blog at www.ChairsonthePorch.com. 

I realize now, his answer to my request was no.  He said no to being my copilot. He said no, he didn’t want to help me right my ship. I realize now, his answer “come to me” was so much better. He said “come”. And I said, “yes”. I changed chairs. I changed that chair on that crashing plane, on that sinking boat, to sit on God’s lap. 

There is nothing magical about those chairs, my porch has no hidden meaning. It is a metaphor. But it was a tangible way to respond to his call. And I did, I stood up and changed chairs. I realized gradually, that call was a call to let go. To let go of the reins of my life.  I realized there was a surrender.

I feel a bit guilty saying this, because it was so easy, a no-brainer. To give up control of something that I wasn’t in control of anyways. I guess I’m talking about my life. My out of control life. Not in the way you normally think, but yeah, my out of control life. All of those things that I couldn’t control were daunting, they were overwhelming, this thought, “what I’m going to do, what I’m going to do” ran through my brain.  Well, somehow, I set them all down and sat down on God’s lap. He can deal with my problems better than I can. Something that was almost impossible for me to do, letting go, became easy. 

I have been thinking about it for two years now, the metaphor of chairs on my porch. What happened on the porch that morning was profound. 

So, where did this come from? “You can sit in the other chair if you want.” Well, it came from the same place. I was sitting there on my porch “on my new chair” when the thought came. Not as forcefully as when I heard his voice, but it caught my attention. In a small voice in my mind I heard this, you can sit in the other chair if you want. And I turned to the other chair, that chair. That chair where I sat when I was in control. And I thought about it. Do I want to sit, again, in that chair?

That happened maybe six months ago and although some time has passed, I am still thinking about that. Do I want to sit on that chair? I guess it is more pressing now, since I am apparently in control of my life.  If you read the previous post,  “I’m half the man I used to be”. I concluded that I am more than half the man I used to be.  Precisely 1% more. 51%.  I commented that I wondered if God was toying with me as I added up those numbers and averaged them.  51 percent …..But I wonder if there is more to it. Was he asking me if I wanted to be in charge of my life? 

Well, obviously I want to be in charge of my life, on the other hand, I like where I am sitting. There is so much freedom in letting go of the reins. Man, the metaphor of chairs on the porch. You can sit in the other chair if you want, that chair where I sat when I was in control.

So now that I am in control, where do I sit? I realize that the same thought is running through my brain, “what I’m going to do, what I’m going to do” not from desperation, but from a desire to do the right thing. I have no firm answers yet, but I’m thinking about it.  

So I’m at 51%. I am wondering where to sit. And I have 230 words left to hit my goal of 1000 words. 

I have thought about this for a while, the randomness or the purpose of my stroke. Did this just happen to me, or did God orchestrate my stroke for his purposes? I don’t know. I tend to believe in the randomness of life. I just don’t know. But I know this,

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.      Romans 8.28

In all things, rather, they are random or part of a grand plan, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  And I can see that. He is working for the good in me. 

As I was reading my bible I saw the commentary that was given about the life of Paul, 

“God did not waste any part of Paul – his background, his training, his citizenship, his mind, or even his weaknesses.  Are you willing to let God do the same for you? You will never know all he can do with you until you allow him to have all that you are!” 

My education, my career, my mind, or even my stroke. I guess I will never know all he can do with me until I allow him to have all that I am!   All 51% of me.