The support and the love that came after my stroke was amazing. Although that happened four and a half years ago I wanted to say, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Hundreds of you offered prayers; every day dozens of cards arrived. All with basically the same message: Get well soon!
I’ve been thinking about this saying, get well soon. Geez, me and my words. Is ”well’ something you can get? Is it a destination you arrive at? Is it created in your mind, in your circumstances, in your spirit? Is It a sliding scale? For sure, I am more “well” than right after my stroke, but I haven’t felt “well” since my stroke.
I remember one day early on when a group of women came to pray for me. They wanted something specific to pray about. My blind eye, the weakness in my right side, the overwhelming fatigue. All I said was, I want to feel well.
I remember the prayers that were offered. Actually I can remember the last one. As she was praying she kept mentioning Lazarus. There was no way she could know how profound the story about Lazarus had become for me.
The first time I went back to church after my stroke. Sitting there not really being able to comprehend what was going on. Well, I guess I was comprending enough to know what our pastor was preaching about. He was talking about Lazarus. Lazarus, who lay dead for four days and was brought to life again. The wrappings around him were removed, the stench of death was gone, blinking his eyes in the light of a new day. Talk about, get well soon!
Although the women who were praying had no idea what was going on in my mind, God knew. And he reminded me in a powerful gentle way to remember what happened to Lazarus. The prayers offered that morning from those women were powerful.
So, did God answer those prayers?
No, not in the way that I hoped anyway. And yes, I’m gradually getting better. I realize God’s timing is different from mine and God’s purposes are different from mine.
Hmm, have you seen a card that says, get well gradually? Yeah, nope. But I’m thankful that it is happening. I’m thankful and I’m still hoping that “soon” happens, well, soon.
The prayer “I want to feel well” is about comfort. Comfort is what I’m hoping for. And God offers us comfort. ‘’Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28) but God also allows trials, things that are uncomfortable, things we need to overcome. The comfort he offers is bigger than just my trials, he offers us comfort even though we are experiencing pain.
There is a great hymn, “It is well with my soul”
When peace like a river, attends my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, You have taught me to know
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It was written by Horatio Spafford while he was grieving the deaths of his four daughters who perished as the ship they were on sank. “When sorrows like sea billows roll”. Rather than question, where was God, the God who stills the water, where was he? Rather than lamenting about what had happened. He penned this song and he answered that question. Where was God, He was teaching me to know, it is well with my soul. Well, I guess God is also teaching me to know it is well with my soul.
I woke up in the ICU at the hospital in a state of peace. I’m not sure how that happened. And even now I’m gradually realizing, somehow, my soul is well. The God who could have prevented my stroke is the God that is teaching me to know it is well with my soul.
When I begin to become disgruntled with my wellness in my body, I realize it starts to affect the wellness of my soul. I don’t want to do that. Rather than focusing on the brokenness of my body, I want to focus on the wellness of my soul. Obviously I want to have both, I want to feel well in my body, I want to feel well in my soul. But if all I can have is one, I want to be well in my soul.
So as I was getting ready to post this, I came upon a photo that sort of embodies this idea. Actually I didn’t come upon it, it came upon me. A picture of me. A picture of a man grinning while dealing with a setback on the wellness of his body. Well, that setback happened to me yesterday. If you could see him today, man it is gruesome, with a big black eye and his eye almost swollen closed. But, if you could read his mind you would hear this: It is well…it is well… with my soul.
