It started with a couple of questions. Are you content with your life? Or are you envious of your neighbors’ success? That is how our men’s bible study began. We were studying the book of Ecclesiastes. What a weird and amazing book. Solomon wrote it as he was reflecting about his life. It deals with the meaninglessness of life, but through it all, Solomon realized God’s meaning, all though sort of elusive, remains.
Is it sort of cool to study the book of Ecclesiastes with a bunch of old men who have lived a full life. And as they looked back on their lives, sort of like Solomon did, they could discuss the meaning (or the meaningless?) of their lives.
Like in every group, there are those who like to talk and discuss, and there are those who just listen and absorb. I used to like to talk and discuss but due to my stroke I have begun to be mainly a listener and an absorber. Yeah, but in my mind, I’m still a talker. Maybe a mute talker?
We started the bible study with this verse:
Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless–like chasing the wind. Ecc 4:4
Right away I had an answer to the question. Because this week, as I was thinking back over the ways I had responded to what I had lost, I realized, I am not angry, I am not depressed, I am not jealous, what I am is envious. I thought about the word, envy, because it describes me.
I am envious of those who speak easily. Which is almost everyone. When I see people conversing effortlessly. I am envious. I long for the days when I used to be able to do that. I long for the days when I could discuss things with other old men.
I’m not sure that if this is the same thing that Solomon is getting at. Am I motivated to succeed because I envy my neighbors? Am I trying to keep up with the Joneses, like chasing the wind, no not that. But the fact remains, I want what you have. So maybe it is the same. Envy is envy.
At the same time, I realized something. Although I am an envious man, I am more content with my broken life than when my life was whole. How in the world did that happen? Well, I guess the things I was focusing on when my life was full, did not produce contentment. My focus changed.
I’m starting to realize contentment is not based on circumstances, but it is a mindset. And I think it starts with gratitude. I am so grateful for my life. I am so grateful for my wife. I am so grateful for my family. I am so grateful for my friends. All of these things, I used to take for granted.
And I am grateful I have one hand that works. If you’re wondering, I have one hand that works well, and one that doesn’t. Which leads me to something else I wanted to say. It is weird how things relate differently to me since my stroke. The passage we were studying would not be so powerful to me if I had two good hands.
Passage continues:
“Better to have one handful with quietness than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind.” Ecc 4:6
I used to have two hands full of hard work. While I really liked it, sweating from my brow to earn my keep, in some ways it was chasing the wind. Well now I have one hand that can grasp on the quietness that God provides. How cool is that?
With one hand or two, grasping on to the quietness is far better than the rat race we are running.
That’s what this mute talker wanted to say.
