My new years resolution, deficit remediation, and holey pants

The first time I heard the words, deficit remediation, I was doing a personality test called strengthsfinder. I had done several personality tests over my life when I was young.  This was the first one I had done when I was old.  My pastor was getting his masters, and one of his courses required him to be certified to do the strengthsfinder test.  At that time you couldn’t just take it, you needed a coach. Someone to walk you through it. My pastor was studying to do that and he asked me to go through it with him.  

So, I did it, to help him out. I wasn’t planning to get any great insights. I mean, at 55 years old, I had sorta figured out what I was good at. But wow, it was an eye opening experience. As I recall, the test rates you on 30 or so traits and it ranks them. When it compiles, that test tells you your best trait and the 4 next best traits.

The results started with a summary of your best trait. As I started to read about it, I stopped at the first paragraph. Ok, sounds a lot like me, and the next paragraph was the same. And the one after that.  And it also lists some problems you might have with your trait. Ok, that is me as well, so is that, and that.  Wow, how can they know so much about me from a few questions?  In every instance it was spot on. If you’re wondering, according to the test my best trait is responsibility.

I remember my “coach” telling me that he can’t imagine a better set of traits for a contractor. Which is what I am, or maybe better, was.  And it made me feel good. So did I learn anything new about me, probably not. But learning what you are good at early on, would be a lot easier without all the bumps and bruises from the “trial and error” way that I used to figure out what I was good at.

Deficit remediation is the way we do education, at least according to strengthsfinder. We test students, to detect deficits. Find a deficit, and then find a remedy. If you are weak in math, take this class. It sort of makes sense. It is how the educational system works. Strengthsfinder suggests a different model, instead of working on our problems we should focus on our strengths. Strengthsfinder test is built on maximizing your strengths. It is sorta the opposite of deficit remediation. 

I have a liberal arts degree. Along with my major, I was exposed to a wealth of other things, history, art, English, public speaking, philosophy, math, and so on. I like what a liberal arts degree did to me. It made me a well-rounded person. 

I really also like this idea. Maximizing your strength. I am, in a lot of ways, a jack of all trades master of none, which is okay.  But I wonder what might have happened if I focused more on my strengths  Hmm.  But that is looking back. It is a new year. I want to be looking ahead. And I am wondering if my stroke has given me an opportunity to start over. 

I am in a facebook group of people who had a brain injury, mainly concussions and strokes. It is kinda amazing to me, that there is a consensus about this thought: figuring out a new way to live your life. Grieving that was lost, and embracing what remains.  

One guy commented about his life before his accident, hang gliding, racing motorcycles, outdoor adventures, and how hard it was to let it go, the anger, the depression, everything he had to work through. But he ended with how good his life has become. By giving up what was lost and embracing other things. It took him 20 years to get there, and I wondered if I could do what he did with the time I have left. Or am I content just to become old. In a way it is daunting, trying to start anew, but it also is empowering. I mean, it is a new year.  What a great place for a new beginning.

As I was thinking about this, what remains that I can work with.  I thought of Strengthfinders, that test that told me what I am good at, and encouraged me to embrace my strengths. Seems like a perfect place to start from.  So I went to find it. I knew where it was, in a cubby on my desk, in the cubby for “things I wanted to save.” And it wasn’t there. I looked around for a while, but it was gone. Other than the main trait, responsibility, I can’t remember those other traits that were identified as strengths.  

I don’t know, maybe God is telling me that I need to do that over again. Figuring out what I’m good at. What do you think, has my personality changed? That is hard for me to say because God is certainly changing my heart.

For the last two years I had been in a deficit remediation mode, trying to fill in the gaps in my brain. Trying to fix what is wrong. Which is super important, and it sorta worked. But I’m thinking of switching gears and working on what I have, my strengths, whatever they might become.

So here is my metaphor for this new year. 

As I was doing my laundry this week, I decided to throw out a couple old jeans. They had some holes in them, which didn’t matter to me, but I didn’t like that they didn’t fit. Not at all. They are about two sizes too big. When my belt is cinched down my belt buckle can hardly fit between the first loops. One advantage, I suppose, from getting to a healthy weight. But they just don’t fit, so I’m tossing them out and getting new ones.  Pants that fit. 

Probably not a good metaphor, but I’m going with it. This year I want to start figuring out what fits in this life that I have. I realize it will mean giving up some things, like my holey pants, to make room for other things.  Not at once, but a little bit at a time.  Laying things down and deciding if they fit, do I pick them up again or do I let them lay.

This scares me some. Laying down things, things I love, things like writing, which is brutally hard. Or designing buildings, I just spent 500.00 to renew my subscription to AutoCad for one year.  Or my career, my contractor license is renewed as inactive right now. Yeah,  I need to figure out what fits. One thing at a time. 

And I’m starting with two pairs of jeans. I’m replacing them with something that fits in my new life. So do I go bold, something like khakis?  Nope, that’s not happening. I’m still a jeans guy.  Maybe next year, we will see.