Have you heard the poem ”The wonderful one-hoss-shay”? I can remember reading it in school, probably in high school. Sort of a fuzzy memory, I can’t recall any of the particulars, but I can remember what the poem was about. It was about a carriage that lasted for one hundred years and then it broke to pieces all at once.
First some definitions, “hoss” might be referring to my nickname which was hoss. Hmm? Or more likely it is written in the vernacular of that day as “one-horse shay.” A shay (commonly called a chaise) was a two wheeled carriage drawn by one horse (or maybe someone named Hoss?)
There are the first and last stanzas of the poem from Oliver Wendell Holmes. If you want to read the whole thing, here it is: https://www.ibiblio.org/eldritch/owh/shay.html
Have you heard of the wonderful one-hoss-shay,
That was built in such a logical way?
It ran a hundred years to a day,
And then, of a sudden, it—ah, but stay,
I’ll tell you what happened without delay.
-fourteen stanzas later-
—What do you think the parson found,
When he got up and stared around?
The poor old chaise in a heap or mound,
As if it had been to the mill and ground!
You see, of course, if you’re not a dunce,
How it went to pieces all at once,—
All at once, and nothing first,—
Just as bubbles do when they burst.
End of the wonderful one-hoss shay.
Logic is logic. That’s all I say.
The poem was about wearing out. Do you even want to wear out? Or do you rather die healthy? To die suddenly, in the prime of your life, it is tragic. There is something for living your life to the fullest, to drink the wine of your life till the last drop. Yeah, but there is also the idea of going out on the top, dying with your boots on. Are there any more options? Is it one or the other? Well, from the prime of your life till you drink the last drop in your cup. This is what happens, you wear out.
Logically, there is the sweet spot where you live a full healthy life and then the bubble suddenly bursts. In reality that seldom happens. “The end of the wonderful one-hoss shay” is usually fraught with brokenness.
I have thought, not to be morbid, how easy, (dare I say even pleasant?) it would have been to die during my stroke, in my sleep without wearing out. On the other hand, I am so grateful for my life, my new life. I titled this post, thinking about death, but I could have just as easily called it thinking about life. Because without death, life means nothing.
One of the benefits of my stroke is that I don’t fear death anymore, but I fear wearing out. I fear what my life could become. Yeah. And watching my dad and my mom struggle with “wearing out” from a debilitating disease has caused me some fear as well. I don’t want to wear out like that.
I realize I am being selfish. What would have been easy for me, would have been hard for others. Wearing out is sort of the opposite, hard for me, but easier for others. The funerals for those to suffer through the ‘wear out” of their lives are really celebrations. A letting go, a sending off, maybe a sigh of relief that the “wearing out” was done. Anyways, that was something I’d been thinking about.
Kind of in the same vein, I have been thinking about my old life wearing out while my new life is getting better. In my old life I lose something every day, losing a step, losing my hair, and losing my marbles (thankfully one at a time). In my new life I gain something every day. My reading is better, my fatigue is lessened, my speech is improving. Hmm, is that ironic, profound, maybe hilarious?
The fall of man created the world where we wear out (too much theology?), all at the same time God created our bodies to heal, to live. It sorta cracks me up. The life God offers us is abundant. Every cell in my body is brimming with life. Neurogenesis and neuroplasticity are two examples of how life happens. These words which were almost unheard of when I was a child have become a springboard for new research. Science has uncovered some amazing truths about my brain.
Neuroplasticity means that the brain is malleable, changing moment by moment. That means that your mind is not hard-wired, but it is renewable. The bible says, “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12.2). Neurogenesis means that every day new nerve cells are created in my brain. We can use them to create different thoughts (renew your mind) and we can use them to restore what was lost. That is happening while I’m asleep, it is happening as I am writing this. Though millions of brain cells died during my stroke. At the same time, new cells were created. My cells are brimming with life, but, and it is a big but, death is inevitably coming someday. Well, eventually they will intersect and there will be a collision of sorts.
This is what I was planning to write about when I started this post, the collision that was inevitably going to happen between my recovery and my gradually worn out body. But that metaphor isn’t quite right, it is more like a “tug of war” than a collision. That life that God created on one side, on the other side is death. Who will win?
On the face, death wins. Death and taxes are for sure. It doesn’t matter how much we struggle against it, eventually death wins. But in the reality that we cannot see, Man, we don’t need to win the tug of war, because the tug of war is gone. I can’t fathom it, this thing that you and I have been struggling against for our entire lives, is just gone. There is a law, as certain as the law of gravity. It is called the law of sin and death. And Jesus frees us from that.
For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8 : 2
What a picture of heaven, this place where there is no death. There is nothing to struggle against. It fills me with so much hope, but in the meantime, I struggle.
I realized early on that I had a choice. To recover or lie down, to let the “tug of war” rope drop. My stroke happened as I was nearing retirement age. How much effort was I willing to expend for a meager result? I could just veg, and let life and death hash it out. But instead I decided to struggle, to have a grip on the rope. That is still what I am doing now.
Yeah, one day there will be a collision. Maybe it will be glorious, like the end of the wonderful one hoss shay. Maybe it will be more like ”a gradually wearing out”. Regardless, on that day, the tug of war is done and something much better begins.
Paul in the book of Philippians was commenting about his trials and many good things have happened because of those trials. In the middle it this passage he says this:
For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.
Philippians 1:21-23
I’m convinced that God saved my life for a purpose. I’m not sure what it is, maybe a second chance to work on my life, or pray for my friends, or maybe building a bridge through the trees, or write a book. Maybe all of these things, maybe not of them. But I’m hanging on to that rope for as long as I can.
Thank you, Karl!