This morning I was thinking about what I just read in Psalms 139. “But before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” (Ps. 139.4). Why? Because often there is a significant pause before a word is on my tongue, and sometimes the words don’t appear at all. That was what I was thinking about. But before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. While I often stress about my language issues, God doesn’t. He knows what I am going to say, even if I can’t say it. That is so comforting to me.
The words we speak are so important. They are life and death. We can bless or curse others, we can ruin our lives or we can build something substantial with our words. As I was thinking about that, a verse showed up in my mind. Hmm, a verse? I couldn’t tell you what it was about. I couldn’t tell you where it was from. All that I had were a couple of words, something about feet, and good news. And somehow I knew it was related to our words. I’m sure some of you know the exact verse I am talking about. But I didn’t. I couldn’t remember it.
I realize that ideas and verses that show up in my brain don’t sit around very long. Unless my attention is almost immediately directed to them, well, out the door they go. So I stopped what I was doing, which was reading my bible, and worked on that verse that popped up in my mind.
Changing gears mid stream works only because I have a book marker in my bible. I know where I was. After that idea has been addressed, or at least written down so I can think about it, I can read on. I have some coping mechanisms to deal with my memory. And I am starting to figure out some things about my brain. It means I often follow rabbit trails. Which is hard for me, I like to focus on what I am working on. But, it is what it is. And sometimes rabbit trails end up in good places.
Speaking about rabbit trails. Another thought has appeared. A thought about rabbit trails. So I wrote it down. I will work on it later. It just happened again, so I wrote it down again. I guess it is a rabbit trail about a rabbit trail about a rabbit trail. Ahh, I guess this is turning into an actual post.
But before any more rabbit trails. As I was saying, I worked on that verse. My bible has a concordance so I tried to look up the words that I knew, “feet” and “good news”. No dice. I thought maybe it was something in Romans? So I flipped to it. As I sat there with my bible opened to Romans. My new bible, nothing underlined, crisp new pages. I realized this won’t work. Two words for a verse somewhere in the bible. And I realized I was being lazy. I was sitting on my porch and a couple yards away from where I was sitting is an office with a computer that can easily look up everything. Plus I have a phone. But laziness won out. I was content to let that verse die.
After a couple minutes of sitting there soaking in the cool of the morning I went back to read my bible. And, out of the blue, a thought came, “check out Romans 10”. And I became excited, where did that idea come from, is this actually happening? Is God giving me this verse? So I went to Romans 10, and there it was.
How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, Who bring glad tidings of good things!” But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says, “LORD, who has believed our report?” So then faith [comes] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Rom 10:14 -17
So, something that I couldn’t recall in my brain I was meditating in my heart. I really can’t explain it, but it was so cool that it happened.
God was saying to me how important those words are. “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach gospel of peace, Who bring glad tidings of good things!” The words we can speak can change a person’s life.
What is happening in my heart has been a theme in my writing about my recovery. And Romans chapter 10 had a lot of things to say about that. Words in your heart and words in your mouth. Romans 10.8 said this:
But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” . (that is, the word of faith which we preach) Rom 10:8
Man, the words of God and my heart. Those words are near, they are there in my heart. It doesn’t matter how well you can speak them. The passage continues,
that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Rom 10:9-10
That same thought, in your mouth and in your heart.
I realize that what happens in my heart is more important to me than what may or may not happen in my brain. God’s words live in my heart and, hopefully, they appear in my mouth. And if they don’t, “But before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.”
Okay, some rabbit trails.
I have sometimes commented that the post that I was working on ended up different than I thought. It struck me odd enough that I actually commented about that. As I think about it, I realize that happens all of the time. It is the new norm. I am not developing a well thought out idea like I used to do, but I am working on things, I’m tracking down rabbit trails.
Wow, I just figured out something that is happening in my brain. That is one of the first steps in recovery, figure out what happened. Wow, my thought process is different. I’m not sure what that means yet, but yeah, my thought process is different. That is why my writing is different. Different to me, anyways.
Which leads me to rabbit trails two.
Rabbit trails. What a powerful metaphor. A pathway made by repetitive use. Like the neural pathways that connect the parts of our brains. They too are made by repetitive use. This is how we memorize things. After a while, a trail is made and we are connected to that memory. So what happens when the trails don’t exist? When you are faced with a beautiful meadow with long grass swaying in the breeze and somewhere down the grass there is a memory. Somewhere? You need a rabbit trail. That is what my mind has been doing. My brain is trying to create pathways in the grass. This is a big job replacing 60 years of rabbit trails.
I have an app called Ludwig that I use to check if a phrase is commonly used. Idioms and sayings are hard for me. I was checking the phrase “rabbit trails” to make sure it was a saying. This is one example of that, and it seems appropriate.
Although sometimes my ADD-like mind wants me to continue down the rabbit trail, I am training my mind to re-focus and FINISH the task in front of me.
Well, instead of training my mind to refocus and finish the task, I am training my mind to wander some. Letting it go where it goes. Trying to focus on the rabbit trails. How oxymoronic is that, focusing on rabbit trails. But that is what I’m doing.
I said rabbit trails several times, but never bunny trails. Yeah, my “man card” is still intact.
And if you’re wondering, this post ended up way different than I expected.
When you first brought up those few words about “feet” and “good news,” I reached back in my brain to 1980 shortly before we left for Japan. I knew which verse you were seeking because it was our theme verse for our first 3-year term in Japan. It is indeed interesting how the brain can work.
Another good blog Karl. Your writings are always well-worth reading and contemplating
I always find something worthwhile on your rabbit trails, so keep following them!
Aunt Thelma
As a second or third rate poet, I am well familiar with things I set out to express not turning out as I planned. When one’s thoughts need to conform to rhyme and rhythm, form often wins out, or sometimes changes the flow of thoughts altogether. This can result in good things, just not planned things. A rabbit trail of sorts. I think really good poets have less of this going on than we third rate wannabes. The poets speak of their “muse,” which is a personified force outside of themselves which inspires and gifts them with what to write. I’ve not experienced that so much as form leading me in new directions.